FUCK,.
IF YOU LOVE HER, GO AFTER HER. FUCK, DON'T SIT THERE AND WAIT FOR HER TO CALL, GO AFTER HER BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, DON'T LET PEOPLE HAPPEN TO YOU, DON'T LET ME HAPPEN TO YOU, OR HER, I AM SO SICK OF WHAT IS LOVE AND WHAT ISN'T LOVE, WHATS COMPLICATED AND WHAT'S REALLY SIMPLE. IF YOU LOVE HER, YOU WILL FIGHT FOR HER AND RUN DOWN THE STREET AFTER HER OR CALL HER UP DRUNK AT FOUR IN THE MORNING TO TELL HER BECAUSE SHE NEEDS TO KNOW IT NOW, AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT I'D BE THE ONLY ONE DOING CRAZY THINGS FOR PEOPLE WHO WOULD NEVER GIVE ENOUGH OF A FUCK TO DO IT BACK OR TO ACT LIKE IDIOTS OR BE ENTIRELY VULNERABLE AND HONEST AND MAKING SOMEONE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU IS EASY AND FLYING 3000 MILES ON FOUR DAYS NOTICES BECAUSE YOU CAN'T JUST SIT THERE AND DO NOTHING AND BREATHING INTO TELEPHONES IS NOT EVERYONE'S IDEA OF LOVE BUT IT IS THE WAY I CAN RECOGNIZE IT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I DO. GO SCREAM IT AND BE WITH HER IN MEANINGFUL WAYS BECAUSE THAT IS BEAUTIFUL AND THAT IS GENEROUS AND THAT IS WHAT LOVING SOMEONE IS, THAT IS RAW AND THAT IS UNGUARDED, AND THAT IS ALL THAT IS WORTH ANYTHING, REALLY.
search my soul.
a lot of you actually don't know why i do what i do. why i laugh when i laugh, and why i cry, when i cry. why i smoke, why i look the way i do, why i have these bruises on my face and speckles on my skin. why i don't expect more from people, why i doubt, why i believe, why i rise in the morning. i could just write it all here. my entire story. but what would be the point? i suppose, i've learned not to give out everything i have. i need proof, proof that it's worth it.
advice: how to escape hate?
i have so much hate in my body my teeth tend to clench up, my nails dig into my skin, and i don't know how to dispose of it. anger is a by-product of emotional pain and the only person it harms, is the one harboring the hate. i suppose stepping back and thinking of the multitude of reasons i'm hurting, whether it was intentional or not and trying to get some fresh perspective on the whole, could clear my clouded thoughts. it’s inevitable that we will face some disappointments, rejections and frustrations, it’s all part and parcel of being alive.
the opposite of hatred is love, and that's why getting rid of hatred is so difficult. its a strong searing vanquish. you can neglect it; pretend you're fine, but then you're hoarding this massive lie with you and forcing yourself to believe it. it's like saying "i don't care." that would be a lie you'd have to repeat to yourself until you believed it, and you'd still be believing a lie. it's like capping a volcano and calling it extinct.
do you like and respect yourself? has what this other person did, that hurt you, cause you to doubt yourself? do you fear there is a grain of truth in what they said or did that you don't like seeing in yourself? when you are honest with yourself and face the fact that you are human and as such not perfect, nor is anyone else, then you can come to control your hurts and anger. perhaps you were disappointed in someone you thought better of and felt betrayed by their actions and because you don't know their reasons for doing what they did, you allow it to eat at you. cut the other person some slack, and yourself as well. you are going to be hurt and angry a great many times in your life but once you acknowledge it, put it away. everything happens for a purpose, you probably don't have all the facts and you allow it to color your personality. understanding and being honest with yourself is the key to learning to manage your emotions. if it hurts, you still care. acknowledge it, move forward.
it hurts, i still care and i know that. i suppose that is the first step.
2.
we only write about two feelings: one is the first day of summer when you and all of your friends are standing on the edge of the cliff watching the sun set and being overcome with all of your hopes and dreams at once. the other is when you’re walking alone in the rain and realize you will be alone forever.
in space no one can hear you scream.
do you ever dream so much that you start to scare yourself? i mean, have you ever just withdrawn from reality and made yourself a little home in the quarters of your mind? then you dream up something so ideal and all of sudden you feel little waves of panic wash over you because you've just realized this whole mess you've made in your head. and the scariest thing you realize, is that while you have been living above and beyond what you want in your mind, you haven't really been living in reality, at all.
this is a song for no one.
we all have dreams in our heads and words in our mouths and stories on our skin and ghosts in our heart. we are little haunted houses. we are not broken. we are not broken.
pale days can teach you to see.
humans have this tendency to create their own barriers, ultimately limiting their true potentials. it’s funny really, because what is the purpose of this? why do we continue to compare ourselves to others, always thinking that we can never succeed if we are not of the same “standard” as someone else? if we fail, we fail, but at least we made an effort. the true winners are those who can overcome these psychological barriers. this is victory - not in the sense that they “won”, but because they had the strength to overcome their own self-doubt. human beings have much more potential than we give ourselves credit for - we just need to break down a few barriers before we can reach it.
you'd never guess.
you'd never guess. louise is beginning to find a calm in all she thought was messy about this world. people- dare i say this without cursing my luck- are beginning to meet me half way and stepping out of place to be a good friend. i'm beginning to sort out what is essentially important to keep in my life and disposing of the rest. i thought i would have cared more than i do. i didn't say that i didn't care, though. so until my lungs give out, i will stand one hundred and sixty four centimeters tall.
just.
sometimes the words you seek cannot be found in sentences, rather in a song. i mean you don't know the artist and you don't know what they've been through but, for a moment, you feel as if another person just understands. honestly, i wish more people would look into the music i listen to. maybe, just for a moment, they'd understand too.
these goals i don't reach.
i wish all my choices were like walking up the hill to my house. i'm forced to continue on even though its shockingly tough because sooner or later, i have to go home. if everything i set my mind on was like that, i would have a lesser difficulty in accomplishing them. i set these goals i don't reach.
by that sin fell the angels.
lately, i feel misunderstood. i escape moments of the day to clear my head, search some peace, and calm my thoughts. it isn't that school stresses me out, in fact i should definitely be stressing more, i just have a lot on my plate full of unhealthy, life-damaging, self-sabbotaging louise problems. i wonder what people think of me as. as an ignorant, dense, complicated, melodramatic person? which one, if any at all? or am i only an empty slate with no influence or contribution or capability to empathize my emotions. what if i am completely misunderstood? what then? does that matter? why? why is it so significant as to who i appear to be, regardless if it is correct or not, what people could only be basing on a quick opinion, and then would never even have the chance to know who i really am?
title quote: "by that sin fell the angels." - william shakespear.
eight ways to win your heart.
i had this long list of ever-ending-movie-chichés of dreamy channing tatum-like men stealing my heart and breathing in my body and soul like fine morning air; all of which would never happen. yet really, it's quite simple and doesn't take substantial thought or actual effort as to what would potentially win my heart.
x be kind
x be true
x show me your soul
x believe i am more than what i am
x dont tell me i have an expiration date
x have nothing in common with me
x listen
x hold me close, let me in, and never let me go.
filth.
its up. its running. its not done, but its up. im going to blog 10 hours of CAS on here, i suppose. yep, my writings kinda dry, bare with me. have i ever mentioned, that i love, using, comas?
